Great SMS Jokes
Pappu went to a doctor to get a solution of loose motions.
Doctor: tell me, what’s your problem?
Pappu: Suffering from unlimited free outgoing with different ringtones.
Manager: What is your qualification?
Pappu: I’m Ph.D.
Manager: What do you mean by Ph.D.?
Pappu: Passed high school with difficulty.
Once Rajnikanth went to Switzerland and accidentally dropped his wallet in a building. Since then the building is known as ‘Swiss Bank’
The best day for you in the whole year is April 1 because that’s the day that suits you best.
Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position…
Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it.
Wife: whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don’t know what to do?
Husband: Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them!
New way of writing answers in exams.
If you don’t know the answer,
then put lines like this:
||||||||||
and write below:
‘Scratch here for ANSWERS’
One boy on his way to home with his mom after school,
Saw a couple kissing on the road,
He suddenly shouted and said look mom,
They are fighting for CHEWING GUM.
Height of Shame.
At bus stop a girl was standing with her face covered. A man on bike stops and says ‘Let’s have fun today!’
Girl replies: Papa it’s me!
Husband and Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom: He fought with me again,
I am coming to you.
Mom: No, No, he must pay for his mistake,
I am coming to stay with you!
Sweet Fact: If a Girl has balance in her cell, then she definitely has a boyfriend and if a boy has sufficient balance in his cell, then he surely does not have any girlfriend.
Heated gold becomes ornaments, beaten copper become wires, compressed rocks become diamonds and mentally tortured men become ‘Best Husbands’
On a romantic day titu’s GF asks him, ‘Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring? ‘Titu: from landline or mobile.
Height of Social Networking:
A girl’s Facebook status: I’m online from Toilet!
.
Her sister commented on status: come
out fast, I’m getting emergency!
Q: Why did titu take his pregnant wife tiya to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised ‘Free Delivery’
Best advice to young boys: If you want to change the nation, do it now. Once you get married, you won’t be able to change even the TV channel!
Why are wives ‘more’ dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either your money or life…
The wives want both!
Dog was Chasing Titu
Titu runs, but Laughing…
A Man asked why are you Laughing? Titu replied
I have put Vodafone Sim, but the Hutch network is Following…
A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin
colleague asked: What happened?
She replied: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said: Yes, and idiot give me 101 pages of work.
If you think your boss is stupid.
Remember,
You would not get the job.
If he was smarter.
The heights of Bad Luck
A boy and cute girl met last time for their break up. Girl’s father and boy’s mother caught them. Now they are married couple…
Madam to Student: Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester, you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy: Syllabus changed mam.
English Teacher: One cute and young girl is walking on the road. Change this into a Punjabi exclamatory sentence. Sardar student: Oye, Pataka!
After a big accident, a man was crying: O God! I have lost my left hand?
Santa: Control yourself my friend. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk: Did you see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes, I saw you.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk: Did you?
Second Clerk: No, but my wife saw you!
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: You can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.Dinosaur Joke
Bob: I wish I had enough money to buy a dinosaur.
Donald: What would you do with a dinosaur?
Bob: Who wants a dinosaur? I just want the money!
Chicken Joke
Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck".
Mrs. Poultice: Because he thinks he's a chicken.
Silly girl: Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?
Mrs. Poultice: Because we need the eggs.
Bird Joke
Silly boy: I'd like to buy some bird seed.
Clerk: How many birds do you have?
Silly boy: None! I want to grow some!
Doctor Joke
Receptionist: Doctor, there's an invisible dinosaur in the waiting room.
Doctor: Tell her I can't see her!
Silly Joke
Sue: I lost my pet dinosaur.
Jake: Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?
Sue: What good would that do, she can't read!
Sister Joke
Mother: Why are you crying?
Daughter: Because I wanted to get a dinosaur for my baby brother.
Mother: That's no reason to cry.
Daughter: Yes it is! No one would trade me!
Peace Joke
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.
Mom Joke
Son: "Mom can I get twenty bucks"
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money
Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
Marriage Joke
Son: How much does it cost to get married?
Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries?
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!When somebody who is deeply
in Love with you tells that
You are
cute, beautiful, angelic, talented
I agree. That’s true,
Believe me, I swear because love is definitely blind
Most people have 5 senses.
Some people have 6 senses.
But your blessed with 7 senses.
An extra sense is NON-SENSE.
Your network tariff has changed!
Call charges are now calculated
according to brain size.
The smaller the cheaper!
Congrats You can make free calls!
Do you remember the day we travelled in a car?
I put my dog out of the window,
You put your face out,
Then people started shouting
‘TWINS TWINS’
Height of Surprise:
‘A boy after spending great time with GF,
Saw a guy’s photo in her bag
Asked – Is he your X BF?
GF kissed him said no dear that’s me before surgery!
Rose Is Red, Sky Is Blue A
Friend Like You Should Be Kept
In Zoo, Don’t Mind… There
You Will Find Me Too, Not In
A Cage, But Laughing at You.
Grandfather to Grandson:
Go Hide, Your Teacher Is Coming
As You Bunked School Today.
Grandson: You Go Hide,
I Told Her You Passed Away…
Teacher: If A Tiger Attacks
Your Mother in Law and Your
Wife at The Same Time, Whom
Would You Save?
Santa: Of course, The
Tiger, Very Few Are Left!
Two Friends Were Walking But
Suddenly They Stopped.
1st: Oh, My God, My Girlfriend And
My Wife Are Coming Together.
2nd: Damn Mine Too…
Husband: Do You Know the Meaning
Of Wife?
It Means Without Information
Fighting Every time…
Wife: No Darling,
It Means with Idiot for Ever…
Doctor: Your Husband Needs Rest and Peace,
Here Are Some Sleeping Pills…
Wife: When Must I Give Them to Him?
Doctor: They Are for You!
Wife: I Had to Marry You To
Find Out How Stupid You Are.
Husband: You Should Have Known It
The Minute I Asked You to Marry Me!